Getting Caught

Photograph lovingly donated by my sister

WHAT?

I didn’t do anything!

The fabric attacked me first!

You should have been here, giant creature. The sewing project you worked on for three hours flew off the table and grabbed me. It tried to strangle me with its ribbon tentacles! 

You can’t blame me for defending myself!

I had a very good reason to enter your forbidden sewing room. I….um…I heard a crying baby and came in to comfort the baby! Don’t you want me to comfort babies, heartless human?

Well, no, I didn’t find a crying baby in here….

No, I have no idea where the sound came from. Oh, yes! I know! The sewing project made a crying baby noise to lure me in here! Your sewing project lured me into your forbidden room so it could try to kill me.

I'm clearly the victim here. 

No, I’m not lying.

I’m not lying, I swear!

Prison Log

Dear Diary,

My imprisonment continues.

The smaller of the two giants still tortures me, picking me up, moving me around, and—worst of all!—denying me my right to eat all the fishes, butter and cream in this place. I bite her as hard as I can but to no avail.

The larger of the two giants still mostly ignores me. When he’s awake, he sometimes looks at me threateningly and says incomprehensible things about me to the other giant. When he’s asleep, I use him the way nature intended those creatures to be used: as bed-warmers.

Photograph taken by my sister Emily.

It’s those sorts of little comforts that keep me going, and sustain my hope that one day I will finally break free when the giants forget to close the front door.

Really, the décor is as colorful as one could hope for in a prison, even if it is too painfully tacky to my sophisticated tastes. Still, the food is passible.

I must savor all the opportunities to enjoy myself. I will continue pretending to be affectionate until the giants let down their guard, at which point I ferociously bite their unsuspecting hands. That one never gets old. Just the thought of it warms me.

Since I’m imprisoned, I have nothing but time. I may as well stop to smell the roses.

Photograph taken by my sister Emily.

Frustration

Photograph was generously donated by my awesome sister Emily.

I can see them! They’re right there, just one pawswipe away.

My clumsy blonde giant is clearly a powerful witch. I wonder what kind of hideous black magic she uses to deter my paws?

Those fishes look so tasty. So…..tasty….

I know! Maybe if I sing about it I’ll feel better!

[Sassy sings]

Fish, fish, every where

Shining as they splash,

Fish, fish, every where

None my claws can slash!

Nope. 

Whose pen?

Photo taken and generously donated by my sister Emily.

Hey! What are you looking at?

This is MY pen.

And table.

And chair.

You think you own them just because you paid for them with your supposedly important ‘money’?

You think you can take back this pen just because I can’t focus my own eyes properly?

BAH!

I’ve got the claws, stupid human.

I’ve got claws and I LOVE using them.

My Cat's Fishing Technique

Photograph was taken and generously provided by my sister Emily.
Check out her writing blog here: http://tokenwritings.blogspot.ca/

Athena the Cat: Geeeet iiiiiin myy moooouuuuuth.

January the Fish: What?

Athena the Cat: Geeeet iiiiin myyyyy moooooouuuuth.

January the Fish: Are you threatening to eat me?

Athena the Cat: Yeeeeeeeeeees.

January the Fish: Are you going to stick your paw in my tank?

Athena the Cat: Nooooooo….tooooooo laaaazzzzyyyyyy…..

January the Fish: Wait, wait, let me get this straight. You want me to leap out of my tank and into your mouth, because you’re too lazy to eat me properly?

Athena the Cat: Yeeeeeeeeeesssssssss.         

January the Fish: Seriously?

Athena the Cat: Yeeeeeeeeeesssssssss.         

January the Fish: Bitch, please.

Athena the Cat: *YAWNS*