I adore spiders.

Illustration by Allie Brosh.
Check out her original post.

I adore spiders.

I’m not being sarcastic. Not even a little bit. Seriously! I promise.

Everyone else hates spiders. Allie Brosh wrote a whole post about it. There was a long-standing meme about how people would prefer to burn down their own houses rather than live with a spider. Children are bornwith a predisposed tendency to fear spiders.

So why do I adore those eight-legged, exoskeletoned archnids?

Because spiders don’t care. And that's awesome.

I spend most days twisting my thoughts into a pretzel about whom I’ve offended and who judges me, even though I’m a very privileged young woman with an amazingly supportive family, a fantastic group of friends, and a fiancé whom I love to death.

Meanwhile, the most thoroughly loathed creatures on earth are brazenly crawling into my apartment.

You know what thoughts spiders have?

Illustration by Allie Brosh.
Check out her original post.

“So, you want to murder me with shoes that are like 8000 times the size of my body.

Well, you know what, murderous giants?

IMMA INVADE YOUR HOME ANYWAY!!!”

 

Illustration by Allie Brosh.
Check out her original post.

It's okay to be afraid of them, indeed! But since I was born blessed with an indifference to their creepy-crawliness, I'm not afraid of them. I admire them, and their "no-fucks-given-EVER!" attitude. 

I aspire to live like a spider.

Alot of Space

Picture taken from Reddit. 
As far as I can tell, the concept of 'an Alot' came from this blog: hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com
If this drawing is yours, drop me a comment and I'll credit you.

         
             I am the Alot of Space.

            I hail from an alternate dimension. We have no name for our dimension, but you can call it 'Craigslist -- Real Estate.' Many different creatures frolic happily in my homeland.

            The Upscales hold daily Up Contests, in which they leap into the air to see which one is the uppest. The Upscale Area usually wins, but sometimes the Upscale District and Upscale Lifestyle pull off an upset. Upscales make a sharp noise when they up, so their contests resemble popcorn popping.

            This deeply upsets the Quiets. Every day, they try to shush the Upscales. Unfortunately, Quiets are mute, so they can only silently wave their limbs. Sometimes they press their fingers to their lips, but they can’t make any ‘shhh’ noises. Sometimes the Very Quiets—the most energetic breed of Quiets—throw their bodies at the Upscales. They bounce off like rubber balls bouncing off a wall, and the Up Contests always go on uninterrupted.

            The Great Views love watching all of this. Views are all sedentary creatures, but the Great Views are even lazier than the regular Views. Great Views live in the bleachers by the Up Contest grounds. They view everything with their enormous, all-seeing eyes, and laugh—but they laugh very quietly, so that even the Very Quiets will leave them alone.

            All of this works, of course, because of the Good Neighborhoods. Good Neighborhoods are loving and hardworking. They feed the Views, tend the sports injuries of the Upscales, and pay attention to the otherwise neglected Quiets. Good Neighborhoods take care of all the creatures of my homeland.

            For my part, I, the Alot of Space, represent those creatures as their inter-dimensional ambassador.

            We come in peace.

            Take me to your real estate agent.

Alot Tongue Twister

Picture drawn by Allie Brosh. Check out her awesome original blog at: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.ca/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

Alotta the Alot likes eating a lot of latkas.

Hume the Human has horrible hearing and hasn't heard her howling hungrily.

"FEED ME, FOUL FEEBLEMINDED FOOL!" A fuming and frustrated Alot would altercate if an Alot could altercate. Alas, an Alot cannot!

Alotta lows louder and louder, meows more and more 'til the mad melody moves the man's ears.

Hume hears!

Alotta the Alot will eat a lot of latkas at last!