Good Morning, Smaug

Illustration is "Crafty Smaug" by Casey Fallon.
Check out his work at: http://www.cfallonart.blogspot.ca/

Tiny Knight: Foul beast! I, Sir George the Dragonslayer, have come to end thine reign of terror!

Crafty Smaug: *Yawns sleepily, waking up* Hmm? What was that?

Tiny Knight: Foul beast! I have come to slay thee!

Crafty Smaug: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHA! Good one! Now get the fuck out.

Tiny Knight: My heart is brave, my honor true! I will not be intimidated!

Crafty Smaug: You will be intimidated, or you will be ingested. I need breakfast.

Tiny Knight: Thou shalt never consume another man! I shall slay thee!

Crafty Smaug: *Lifts head a bit* Oh really?

Tiny Knight: *Trembling* Yes! I shall slay thee!

Crafty Smaug: *Opens one eye, releasing red beam* I’m the SMAUG, motherfucker!

Tiny Knight: *FLEES FOR HIS LIFE*

Doggy Diets

Picture taken from Reddit.
If this is yours, drop me a comment and I'll credit you.

GIRL: I’m very concerned about your blood pressure.

DOG: Your concern, your problem.

GIRL: Your diet should have fixed this.

DOG: I never agreed to any diet.

GIRL: Doggy! Have you been eating leftover Happy Meals again?

DOG: ……..

GIRL: I specifically told you—

DOG: It’s not my fault you never finish your dinner! If I didn’t eat it, it would have gone to waste!

GIRL: I’m very disappointed.

DOG: It was very delicious.

GIRL: It was bad for your health!

DOG: I regret nothing.

GIRL: You really need to watch your health at your age.

DOG: What do you mean ‘at your age’?!

GIRL: You’re old.

DOG: You’re four!

GIRL: You’re still old.

DOG: Compared to you, these curtains are old!

GIRL: You’re still old! No more Happy Meal leftovers for you! I mean it!

DOG: But—

GIRL: No more Happy Meals, and that’s final! Now, sit still and let me listen to your heart.

DOG: I can’t believe I put up with this.

My Cat's Fishing Technique

Photograph was taken and generously provided by my sister Emily.
Check out her writing blog here: http://tokenwritings.blogspot.ca/

Athena the Cat: Geeeet iiiiiin myy moooouuuuuth.

January the Fish: What?

Athena the Cat: Geeeet iiiiin myyyyy moooooouuuuth.

January the Fish: Are you threatening to eat me?

Athena the Cat: Yeeeeeeeeeees.

January the Fish: Are you going to stick your paw in my tank?

Athena the Cat: Nooooooo….tooooooo laaaazzzzyyyyyy…..

January the Fish: Wait, wait, let me get this straight. You want me to leap out of my tank and into your mouth, because you’re too lazy to eat me properly?

Athena the Cat: Yeeeeeeeeeesssssssss.         

January the Fish: Seriously?

Athena the Cat: Yeeeeeeeeeesssssssss.         

January the Fish: Bitch, please.

Athena the Cat: *YAWNS*